Category Archives: golden rule of topps

I Am Very Scared For This Year’s Finest

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Thanks to Jerry for sending me a preview of the Sanchez.

First off, last year’s finest was bad, REALLY BAD. The parallels were pastel shades of pink and blue, and really didnt make sense. They put manufactured NFL logo shields into auto cards for no reason. Lastly, they said a ton of shit was going to be numbered, and it wasnt at all. Yes, they offered to fix it, but thats not the point. Basically, the point is, for Topps Finest 2008, there was let down after let down for the set.
This year, like last year, looks promising from the original images that were leaked. They have a patch auto parallel, they have good looking base cards that dont look like pink film strips, and it looks like things may finally be back to the form we were used to from pre 2005.
However, this is a Topps product that just barely breaks the golden rule of Topps football cards. Last year, 2007, 2006, and 2005 were pretty much design diarrhea, but for 2009, it shows promise.
That doesnt mean im not holding my breath for the coming Topps Finest apocalypse. I have that feeling, deep down inside that they will find some way to fuck it up beyond belief. I mean, they are using the foil stickers, as usual, and the rainbow foil seems to be making a return for a second year. Lets hope they realize that colored parallels only work when they are done in a chrome product that costs 80 dollars less per box.
As with any higher end product, parallels usually have no place unless there is something extremely differentiated between the cards. Colors dont cut it for a product that costs this much, especially when they have a scheme equal to a box of lucky charms.

The Ruth Effect

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As we saw today, when people see Babe Ruth, they go fucking banana sandwich. Ruth is the most valuable player there is in this hobby, and whenever given the chance, he will be exploited for that reason. See, when Ruth is on a card that contains any type of relic – even if it is not game used – the card’s value skyrockets. Obviously, Ruth cut sigs are the top of the mountain, despite being the least rare of many of that era’s players.

Combine a Ruth Sig, a Ruth Relic or two, with Lou Gherig’s stuff, and all of a sudden you have the approval of 95% of the hobby. The problem is that we should be voicing our opinions in opposition to horrid designs as well as cards that focus on stuffing the most possible crap into a card, that a second connected card is required.

When you talk about the Ruth effect, you also have to refer to collectors like some of the people who posted on the Triple Turds thread over on FCB. In addition to the few of us who told it like it is, there were just as many people who drool over the ugliest cards, as long as Ruth or someone similar graces the front. In fact, 08 Triple Turds cards were submitted as rebuttles to my onslaught against the product, ONLY because they had Ruth Relics in them. Fugly designs? Who fucking cares when you get six fucking bat relics that spell out “714 HRS,” right? No one seems to care that the blurb on the back says they are not necessarily from any season or game, they just care that they have as many relics as possible. Fuck, I cant even call them GU’s because of this. Topps has us referring to them as “relics” now.
Listen, I know I have put way too much coverage into the worst set so far this year, but sometimes you have to get rid of that vomit taste in your mouth. So dont fucking tell me that just because someone thought to combine Ruth and Gherig, I should sing the praises of the new “card of the year.” It doesnt work like that for me.
I dont care about anything if it looks like poop, and these cuts, embedded in blue fucking rainbow foilboard will look like a toilet after a chipotle challenge. The fact that its just some cut out paper that happens to be numbered 1/1 by the company who ruined the best cards you can pull, does NOT mean you should break the golden rule. That also means that just because Topps can find a way to cram 24 hard to read windows onto a card, does NOT give justifacation for you to break the rule if you subscribe to it.
Stop congratulating and praising shotty work, dont let the Ruth Effect overtake you. It sets a bad precedent for everyone.

Constipation Relieved: We Now Have Triple Turds

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Wow, the baseball card industry must feel better after the recent Triple Threads Turds preview. I know I always feel great after a big shit, dont you?

Well, in case you were wondering, the cards are up on Wax Heaven and FCB, and yes, they look exactly the same as last year. It still has stupid shit spelled out in die cut form, still has foldout stupidity with 132 different relic pieces in the card, NOW HAS TRI-FOLD Cards from player’s all star practice jerseys, still the same goddamn price point, still has all the poop it always has had.

I cannot even begin to think why people love this stale ass product. Bottom line, it is complete diarrhea in card form. The design has and always will suck, the content of a box is worth maybe 50 bucks TOPS, and yet Topps always sells it for 170. Even if you hit Albert Fucking Pujols as your auto, you may not make back the price of the box. Thats how much this product sucks. On top of all that, you have 5 bajillion 1/1s that make all the JCs out there blow their loads, but makes the rest of the brain having hobby cringe.

Then you have the Ruth/Gherig dual cut, already being hailed as the card of the year. Im not sure why, as it is still a foldout, it is still stupidly designed, and it still has triple threads plastered all over it. Remember, this is the same product that took a signed Mickey Mantle ball, ripped off the hide, had A-Rod and David Wright sign the sweet spot on either side of the Mick, and put it in the card as a 1/1. Grossest abomination ever created. This could be worse.

The golden rule stands: if a Topps product costs more than 100 bucks, DO NOT BUY IT. This product takes it a little further with the massive design fails. Basically Triple Turds was created to clean out the jersey room, clean out the sticker room, and flood the market with illegitamate 1/1s. FUCK THAT.

A boycott of this product would be a great idea.